


Swan Song

by Nostalgia-in-Starlight (UniverseEndingParadox)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Cannon compliant, Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-29 09:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19017103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniverseEndingParadox/pseuds/Nostalgia-in-Starlight
Summary: Their love had been a tragedy from the start, but at least, this way, they get to say goodbye.---





	Swan Song

**Author's Note:**

> Eruri-continuation of that scene in Season 3 Episode 16 that broke my heart.

_“You’ve fought well. It’s all thanks to you that we’ve come this far. I’m making the choice. Give up on your dream and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell. I will take down the Beast Titan.”_

The emotions that play across Erwin’s face at his words are a study of humanity. Blue eyes widen briefly in shock - not at the bluntness of Levi’s words, but at hearing his own fate voiced out loud. His eyebrows draw together in a slight frown as if for a tiny moment he wanted to change his mind. Then he’s lowering his head and looking down at the ground between them in resignation. Levi watches the play of emotions from where he’s kneeling in the dirt and sees the corner of Erwin’s lips tip upwards in graceful acceptance. And in that moment, his heart breaks for the last time in this life.

He stands, fists clenched against the pain in his chest, and looks down at the top of Erwin’ head. Even dirtied and basked in shadows, his blond hair still gleams, golden... and familiar. This is the last time Levi will ever see him like this. Elegant despite his slumped posture. Battle-worn, but strong. On the verge of certain death, but _alive_.

Erwin looks up then, meeting his gaze - crystal blue and slate gray. For the span of several breaths, they’re motionless, staring at each other. For the span of a few heartbeats, the crumbling world around them stills. The sobs of their subordinates quiet. Even the metallic scent of blood in the air fades and it seems the air is clearer somehow. 

“Levi,” Erwin says, voice soft. The acceptance in his eyes has been tinted with sadness. It is not sadness for himself.

When Erwin moves as if to reach out to him, Levi takes two steps back out of self-preservation, body acting on instinct. “Don’t.” 

“I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

Levi shakes his head. Erwin doesn’t need to apologize. He _knows._

He has always known. They both have. “It was always going to be this way.”

They are soldiers, the two of them, fighting a war of both monsters and men - two sides of the same coin in a cruel, merciless world. Every day could’ve been their last. Every sunrise tangled together in bed could’ve been the last time. Every brush of their lips in every stolen moment throughout the years could’ve been their last kiss. Too many times they’ve lost people who were there one second and gone the next. To have survived in this godforsaken world for as long as they have has been a miracle in and of itself. To have not only found each other but to _have_ each other through all this… 

They had made a choice, all those years ago, knowing full well that someday, that one-day, one or both of them would perish in battle. Their love had been a tragedy from the start, but at least, this way, they get to say goodbye.

“Levi,” Erwin says again, voice tired, “come here. Please.” He doesn’t get up from where he’s sitting on the discarded crate but holds out his hand. Levi stares at it for a second, noting how it doesn’t shake. It’s this small detail that moves him. He places his hand in Erwin’s much larger one and allows himself to be drawn the two steps forward into a familiar embrace. Without prompting, Levi crawls into Erwin’s lap despite the awkwardness of the 3DM gear and curls himself into Erwin’s chest. As close as he could possibly get. When Erwin’s arm tightens around him and his chin comes to rest atop Levi’s head, they both exhale shakily. 

This is it. This is the last bit of time they have together. The ache in Levi’s chest grows and it hurts more than any other pain he’s experienced (and he’s experienced so much already). He feels like he’s the one close to dying. Closing his eyes, he buries his face into the fabric of Erwin’s shirt and focuses on the feeling of the strong arm around him, holding him safe and close. He focuses on the feeling of strong legs underneath him, the smell of Erwin’s aftershave beneath the grime of the battlefield. He commits to memory the feeling of Erwin’s chin on his head, the steady rhythm of his heart under his palm. These are the things that he’ll carry in his hollowed out chest until it’s his turn to follow Erwin into hell. 

How long they stay like that, wrapped tightly around each other, they don’t know. It doesn’t matter. They simultaneously pull apart, just enough to look into each others’ eyes. This, too, is something Levi will carry. The way Erwin looks at him. The affection in his blue eyes only for him to see. Only ever for him. 

“I’m glad you’re here with me,” Erwin says, gentle, hand drifting up to cup Levi’s face. Levi leans into the warmth of his palm and inhales sharply.

“Thank you,” he says, voice quiet but steady, “for giving me a second chance, for believing in me, and for trusting me.” 

Erwin smiles at him. “You don’t have to thank me.” He leans forward so that their foreheads are pressed together; so that they’re sharing the same air in the tiny pocket of space between them. “A part of me knew, I think, even back then.” His expression is wistful.

“Knew what?” Levi asks, chest aching. He pulls Erwin’s hand off his face and laces their fingers together.

Erwin tilts his face and presses a chaste kiss to his lips before answering. “That you would be the one that I love.” 

Levi has to squeeze his eyes shut at those words, lest Erwin sees him cry. He won’t cry. Not here. Not yet. He doesn’t want Erwin’s last memory of him to be like that. Nor does he want to see Erwin’s face for the last time through tears. Around them, the world has started moving again. Their stolen time has been spent.

“Goddammit, Erwin,” he grits out, “I should’ve broken your legs.” This earns him a small laugh. How Erwin can laugh at a time like this, Levi doesn’t know, but he memorizes the sound. He pulls back once more, to trace the contours of Erwin’s face, memorize his features as if he hasn’t already done so a thousand times. 

Erwin lets him look, but gathers him close not long after. One last time. “I love you,” he murmurs into Levi’s ear.

“And I love you, Erwin Smith,” Levi says, tilting his head to look Erwin in the eyes. “I don't regret this.” Something seems to loosen in Erwin’s expression at his words and Levi is thankful he can give him at least this peace. 

In the end, their last kiss is not the desperate locking of lips of soldiers on a battlefield, but tender like the ones shared under covers in the early hours of the morning. It’s full of longing for a different world where they could’ve lived out the rest of their days together in peace, but one of acceptance that this is their fate. Their story was a tragedy from the start, but they got to share this story. Though his heart has been broken for the last time and his chest is a festering hollow wound, Levi closes his eyes and kisses Erwin as if there is no war and no dead comrades and no Titans. 

In the end, he doesn’t watch as Erwin rides away, leading the suicide charge with words that inspire even the cowards to be brave. He wants his last memory of Erwin to be the safety of his embrace and the warmth of his blue eyes as they touched their foreheads together one last time.

In the end, it isn’t until he is flying through the air with rage as his fuel that he allows himself to scream from the pain of his hollowed out chest. It isn’t until the spray of titan blood has covered his face like a mask that Levi lets the tears fall.

~o~

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
